I was angry.
Angry at my failed relationships, angry at the world. Nothing good was happening to me, having people, compare me to people who they felt were 'doing things with their lives'. But, when I really searched the root of my anger, I discovered who I was truly angry with. After weeks of surprisingly being too tired to go to church on Sunday's, not being able to pray, switching my gospel music to depressing sad love songs, I realised I was angry at God.
So in being discouraged, I said forget this!
I thought, 'How can I pray to God and not get the things I prayed for'.
I had set my eyes on something's, prayed to God that these things would happen and they did not. Hope deferred definitely makes the heart sick.
I was sick and tired, of being sick and tired.
So like the prodigal son, I went and partied, when my money finished I came back home lol.
I started rebelling, doing my own thing, saying whatever, going wherever, and pretty much living my life how I wanted for some time.
But we thank God it is not by our works that we are granted salvation, but by the finished work of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes we don't realise certain things until we are so far gone, we think, how did we get here. And the sad part about it is that people will remember you when you were in your worst moments, and find it difficult to appreciate the person you have grown to become. But I appreciate my experiences because they have carved me into the good woman I am today. Sis, you're a good woman. Do not allow past mistakes to cripple you and keep you from moving forward.
How will we know that God is a comforter if we have not been broken hearted? How will we know that God is a true friend if we have never been betrayed or let down? How would we know that God is peace if we have not known trouble? How would we experience Gods patience, if we were perfect? It was in my darkest moments, that I felt the love of God.
And it is that love, that always brings me back to him. To know Jesus is to Know love. My experiences taught me about the character of God, of how good and faithful he Is. That even in my ignorance and disobedience, he still saw me, for who I truly was. His.
I want to encourage you, that there is no place far enough that you can go, that Gods love cannot reach you. You are his Child. Nothing you do will change that. He loves you, with an endless, incomparable, sovereign, deep love. It is knowing this love, that leads us to repentance.
You are a Queen. A game changer, a woman worthy of pursuit. The value of a $100 bill does not change even after it has been scrunched up, stepped on, and even torn. Its value does not change. A bank will still accept it, just like when we turn up broken before God, he takes us, and makes us brand new.
What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honour at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
Photo Credit: Women Set Apart